I didn¡¯t sleep well last night, firstly was annoyed by a mosquito and then troubled by an insomnia. I listened to the music till 2 or 3 o¡¯clock in the morning and kept thinking of many things. Some of them were merely imaginations of the future months that I could not decide for myself at this moment. I even thought of coming home this winter. Of course I found good excuses for my return, but deep in heart I couldn¡¯t deceive myself that I return for some reasons that seemed nevertheless important for others. I am always following my heart, but strangely I feel more liberty when I was far away from my parents who are so generous to give me all kinds of liberty since I was born. I never cheated them and never wish to do anything that would make them unhappy. They¡¯ll be happy to see me home, but still I owe them too much and could never pay them back.
I rendered my PhD application to the Ecole Doctorale (Doctor School) this Monday and will wait for the news in the following days. Hopefully good news could arrive at the beginning of October and I¡¯ll pray for that. I always say, for years I have only three simple wishes (two of them are not merely for myself but for my beloved ones) and I pray them to God every night. I think I am a blessed person because I am kind hearted. God loves me and love those ones in my prayer.
And another thing: I fell that I am getting a little numb to the environment around me. Since when? Since these days presumably¡ I miss the fresh air of the west lake and some of the most beautiful memories concerning to this season. I dare not to drink coffee or try to remember anything that might open the fragile part in my heart. Maybe I need a walk along the River Saone, something should be buried even deeper, I guess.